i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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