I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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