12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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