I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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