Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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