Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
