I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone signed my nipple.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
