White coat. Heels.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
