dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
