I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
