i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
