First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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