dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
