Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
