yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
