I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
