McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
