Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
