There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
