just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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