you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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