Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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