I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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