Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
