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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
