I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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