My first STD was from a foam party
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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