I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
