I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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