hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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