Duck Duck Cougar?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its liver damage thursday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
