i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
