But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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