I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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