i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
