i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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