dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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