Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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