just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
