is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
