You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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