i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
