The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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