its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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