Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
