I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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