Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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