you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
