somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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