I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
