I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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